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Shit closer to hitting fan than yesterday -- Analysts and experts of faecal matters are saying that the shit, that was yesterday quite close to the fan, is now a bit closer to the fan. Some are even saying that there is an increased risk of the shit actually hitting the fan at some time in the near future. We went directly to the leading... -- #Brexit, #Shitology, #Trump -- https://goo.gl/nK8EFj

Michael Flatley confirmed as world's second biggest wanker -- Rhino horn collector and jig enthusiast Michael Flatley confirmed today that he is the World’s second biggest wanker after announcing he will perform a jig at Trump’s Inauguration Ball. -- #Flatley, #LordOfTheDance -- https://goo.gl/ZcYJdE

Self-proclaimed 'bestest dealmaker' fails to do deal with Bruce Springsteen cover band -- Idiots across America who voted for Trump because he told them he was really good at doing deals are surprised by the news he hasn’t been able to do a deal with a Bruce Springsteen tribute band. -- #Trump -- https://goo.gl/EA1T7a

Rochdale Prostitutes Challenge Putin's Claim 'Russians are Best' -- Deidre McDearie, voted Rochdale’s leading lady of the night eight years’ running, has challenged President Putin over his claims that Russia’s call girls are the best in the world. “I dunno what criteria they’re using, love, but when it comes to keeping the... -- #Rochdale, #RussianProstitutes -- https://goo.gl/hvaDNu

Farage in critical condition after fall at a supporters meeting -- Nigel Farage is in hospital today after coming to the defence of ludicrously abhorrent comments made about women by Donald Trump. -- #Farage, #SexistPigs, #Trump -- https://goo.gl/MqicFD

Terror as scientists find link between Daily Mail and racist pensioners -- Following an uncomfortable family dinner with her parents, local woman Karen Smith, 28, reported to friends yesterday that she fears mirroring their gradual decline into casual racism. “I first noticed the symptoms in my dad a few years ago,” she said. “It was little things at first, like tutti... -- #TheDailyMail -- https://goo.gl/71aERm

Madame Tussauds new Trump wax work backs out of inauguration -- Madame Tussauds have declined to exhibit their new Trump wax work at the impending inauguration on Friday. Simon Wick, a spokesman for Tussauds said; “Its nothing to do with Trump’s politics, this particular waxwork is fragile, for some reason it starts to melt in the event of an... -- #Trump -- https://goo.gl/tBx5zm

DJ Dave's 80's FunHouse Mobile Disco Confirmed for Trump Inauguration -- After the high profile withdrawals of many A-List celebrities, and the frankly embarrassing refusal of a string of tribute acts & pub singers, Donald Trump has turned to Dave’s 80’s Fun House Mobile Disco for his inauguration. Dave, 44 from Middleton, said “Yo-yo-yo,... -- #DJDave -- https://goo.gl/FmI5J0

Noel Edmunds to head up Brexit negotiations armed with 28 red boxes -- Failed entertainer and minister for Brexit, David Davis, will take centre stage in a Deal or No Deal special to be aired on Dave on the 28th of March. The show will be hosted by cult leader and renowned satyr, Noel Edmonds. In the show, Mr Davis, along with a minister from each of the EU’s... -- #Brexit, #NoelEdmonds -- https://goo.gl/z9u2uU

Sexism Claim Over Parking Abuse -- A driver has defended parking his car across two spaces in a supermarket car park saying “no one would have batted an eyelid if I wasn’t a bloke” Mark Ranley, from Doncaster, was criticised on a Facebook group dedicated to photographs of people’s parking blunders. He says... -- #Parking, #Sexism -- https://goo.gl/BE8hLV