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Every time I hear you misuse the word seen, I can literally feel you getting stupider.

Every time I hear you misuse the word seen, I can literally feel you getting stupider.

Not to be pushy, but my Facebook status ain't gonna like itself.

Not to be pushy, but my Facebook status ain't gonna like itself.

I confess I keep some people's numbers in my phone just so I know NOT to answer when they call.

I confess I keep some people's numbers in my phone just so I know NOT to answer when they call.

Co-workers are like Christmas lights they all hang together but half of them don't work and the other half aren't so bright

Co-workers are like Christmas lights they all hang together but half of them don't work and the other half aren't so bright

Funny Friendship Ecard: The residue of last night's 'smoky eye' is this morning's 'hooker murdered in a back alley' eye.

Funny Friendship Ecard: The residue of last night's 'smoky eye' is this morning's 'hooker murdered in a back alley' eye.

I'm glad we have finally accepted the fact that finding a suitable man in this town shares the same odds as finding a live unicorn.

I'm glad we have finally accepted the fact that finding a suitable man in this town shares the same odds as finding a live unicorn.

Four for you, Glen Coco! You go, Glen Coco!    (and none for Gretchen Weiners byeeeeee)

Four for you, Glen Coco! You go, Glen Coco! (and none for Gretchen Weiners byeeeeee)

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