Gareth Bale. Or is it Diddy Kong? I can never tell.

Gareth Bale. Or is it Diddy Kong? I can never tell.

Peter Crouch. Actual quote "What you be if you weren't a footballer?" "A virgin."

Peter Crouch attacks the Sun over pregnancy story

Peter Crouch. Actual quote "What you be if you weren't a footballer?" "A virgin."

Carlton Palmer. Like Morph had sex with a pepperami.

Football porn. Ditch the other half… What you’re saying about ‘Got, Not Got’

Carlton Palmer. Like Morph had sex with a pepperami.

Steven Fletcher. Rooney's (pre op) hairline, Beardsley's chin and a weimaraner's ears. Apparently only 24.

Steven Fletcher. Rooney's (pre op) hairline, Beardsley's chin and a weimaraner's ears. Apparently only 24.

Jay Spearing. Reminiscent of the Curious Orange off of TMWRNJ.

Jay Spearing. Reminiscent of the Curious Orange off of TMWRNJ.

Trifon ‘The Wolfman’ Ivanov. Bulgarian midfielder. Looks like the Iron Curtain fell on his face.

Trifon ‘The Wolfman’ Ivanov. Bulgarian midfielder. Looks like the Iron Curtain fell on his face.

Joleon Lescott. Was he made from bits of leftover Robert Earnshaw?

Joleon Lescott. Was he made from bits of leftover Robert Earnshaw?

Peter Beardsley. Looks like someone kicked the photocopier while he was being printed.

Peter Beardsley. Looks like someone kicked the photocopier while he was being printed.

Steve Ogrizovic. Like Jaws off of Bond, but ace in goal.

Steve Ogrizovic. Like Jaws off of Bond, but ace in goal.

Gareth Southgate, pizza selling, penalty missing fugly footballer.

Gareth Southgate, pizza selling, penalty missing fugly footballer.

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