"never trust a survivor," my father used to warn me, "until you know what he did to stay alive." those words are what forced me to lose trust in myself, for i didn't exactly know what i did to survive.
I'm just so scared to touch happiness only to have it taken away again. Maybe that's why I push everyone away and maybe that's why I'm so guarded. But I don't think I can even touch it without love. I don't know how to love, not at all