You are allowed to terminate your relationship with toxic family members. You are allowed to walk away from people who hurt you. You are allowed to be angry & selfish & unforgiving & don't owe anyone an explanation for taking care of you.
This is not love, it is something darker and twisted. If it had not ended with the protect what is mine, it would be far far better. If you are watching from the shadows, what you are watching is not yours.
Your Mother Yes I agree she is all these things and then some.She was always there for me no matter what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! whether I was Happy or I was sad and there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about her and miss her but one day we will be together again.
Although my main focus is my health.... I've been working on changing/improving all aspects of my life. Since March, I've distanced myself from several friends/family members. It's amazing what happens to your soul when you cut off everything that causes pain sadness and anger. Investing too much time and effort on the wrong people hurts you more than you can imagine. Evaluate those around you and know it's YOUR choice to have people in our lives!