You must stop punishing yourself for something you cannot change. You must forgive yourself and show and prove to everyone including yourself that you are a better person. It's the only way to be free.
Perhaps first it's just accepting being afraid and forgiving yourself and knowing it's ok to feel afraid. I'm sorry I was afraid. I still have fears but I'm just not at war with myself over it. There's fuck all I can do to protect myself.
Unfortunately it's the people who matter to you most who are usually the ones who remember the past and think that history will repeat itself, instead of actually thinking that FINALLY that person has learned their lesson & knows that the right choices are the only ones for their future.