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Funny Whispers

Funny confessions, thoughts and quotes found on Whisper


Funny Whispers

  • 400 Pins

"20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope, and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope, and no Jobs... Please God dont let Kevin Bacon die. "

20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope, and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope, and no Jobs... Please God dont let Kevin Bacon die.

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"No one gets realer than parents. They compliment you behind your back but talk shit to your face. That's real man"

No one gets realer than parents. They compliment you behind your back but talk shit to your face. That's real man

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"I'm gonna name my firstborn Arial and people will be like "oh like the mermaid?" And I'll say "no like the font.""

I'm gonna name my firstborn Arial and people will be like "oh like the mermaid?" And I'll say "no like the font."

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"I think bars should serve drinks in Capri sun pouches and when you can't get the straw in the hole they cut you off "

I think bars should serve drinks in Capri sun pouches and when you can't get the straw in the hole they cut you off

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"Every time I had McDonald's as a kid, it was a victory. Every time I have it as an adult, it's a defeat."

Every time I had McDonald's as a kid, it was a victory. Every time I have it as an adult, it's a defeat.

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"Who ever snuck the "s" into "fast food" was a cleaver little bastard."

Who ever snuck the "s" into "fast food" was a cleaver little bastard.

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"One time in school this kid started choking on a roll and instead of helping I said "how breadful" and that pretty much sums up how useful I am in emergencies "

One time in school this kid started choking on a roll and instead of helping I said "how breadful" and that pretty much sums up how useful I am in emergencies

whisper.sh

"A hot guy sneezed in Walmart and I said "I'd say god bless you but I see he already has" just blurted out of my mouth with no thought"

A hot guy sneezed in Walmart and I said "I'd say god bless you but I see he already has" just blurted out of my mouth with no thought

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"I'd rather have Samuel L Jackson narrate my life...no offense Morgan Freeman, but my life requires multiple uses of the word 'motherfucker' "

I'd rather have Samuel L Jackson narrate my life...no offense Morgan Freeman, but my life requires multiple uses of the word 'motherfucker'

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" See those little holes? That is where your dignity leaks out."

See those little holes? That is where your dignity leaks out.

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Truth.

404 - Whisper

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Share, Express, Meet - Whisper

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"Contrary to a rumor started in the 90s, if you want to be my lover, please refrain from getting with my friends."

"I think I'm allergic to my wife. Every time I see her, my heart rate goes up, I get sweaty and parts of me swell up. "

I think I'm allergic to my wife. Every time I see her, my heart rate goes up, I get sweaty and parts of me swell up.

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"I disagree with the whole sandwich after sex thing.If your woman is physically able to stand and walk to the kitchen, you dont deserve a goddamn sandwich. "

If Rob bought 16 pineapples and used 1/4 of them to make pineapple juice....

"You think your soulmate is the person who makes your heart beat faster? Wrong, it's the person who makes your heart beat faster and also laughs when you fart in bed. "

You think your soulmate is the person who makes your heart beat faster? Wrong, it's the person who makes your heart beat faster and also laughs when you fart in bed.

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"Boom clap the sound of my thighs, the pizza's so good om nom nom nom nom nom"

"I googled "Who gives a fuck" and my name didn't show up in the search results."

I googled "Who gives a fuck" and my name didn't show up in the search results.

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"That moment when Tadashi from big hero 6 is cuter than all my ex's."

That moment when Tadashi from big hero 6 is cuter than all my ex's.

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  • Gina Abbey
    Gina Abbey

    Omg this one was mine

"Bless those who upload tv shows to the internet so I may watch them illegally "

Bless those who upload tv shows to the internet so I may watch them illegally

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"Ever see a hot guy in public & think" Marry me & have all 97 of my kids now. " Then he catches you staring & you walk away like you just divorced & took the kids. "

Ever see a hot guy in public & think" Marry me & have all 97 of my kids now. " Then he catches you staring & you walk away like you just divorced & took the kids.

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"I'm not sexualy confused mom, I just like food more than people."

"I'm going to be the life of the party as long as it ends by 8:00 PM!"

I'm going to be the life of the party as long as it ends by 8:00 PM!

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"My daughter asked me what it's like to have kids, so I interrupted her every 11 seconds until she cried."