Funny Whispers

Funny confessions, thoughts and quotes found on Whisper
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Both pictures are me

Both pictures are me๐Ÿ˜

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My twin sister once opened a door for her reflection because she thought it was me.

My twin sister once opened a door for her reflection because she thought it was me.

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He texted me, "your adorable." I responded with, "no, you're adorable." Now he thinks I like him when all I did was point out his grammar mistake.

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Wife: look at the drunk guy! Husband: who is he? Wife:10 years ago he proposed to me and I rejected him. Husband: Oh My God, he's still celebrating!

Wife: look at the drunk guy! Husband: who is he? Wife:10 years ago he proposed to me and I rejected him. Husband: Oh My God, he's still celebrating! ๐Ÿ˜‚

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*Being 28* 2016: I'm not ready to be in a relationship. 1816: I have 13 kids. 1000 BC: Twas a good life. Thrice I had berries and once a pear

*Being 28* 2016: I'm not ready to be in a relationship. 1816: I have 13 kids. 1000 BC: Twas a good life. Thrice I had berries and once a pear

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When you're sitting at your gate waiting to board & assessing everyone else on your flight... I already know my top 5 I REALLY don't want to sit next to!

When you're sitting at your gate waiting to board & assessing everyone else on your flight... I already know my top 5 I REALLY don't want to sit next to!

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My life goals are to graduate school, get an apartment, and become a velociraptor

My life goals are to graduate school, get an apartment, and become a velociraptor

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Graduation speech: All of our parents had sex during the same year and I think that's really great.

Graduation speech: All of our parents had sex during the same year and I think that's really great.

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I like to bite the heads off of animal crackers and imagine them screaming for a split second.

I like to bite the heads off of animal crackers and imagine them screaming for a split second.

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I walk around like everything's fine, but deep down... In my shoe. My my sock is falling off

I walk around like everything's fine, but deep down... In my shoe. My my sock is falling off

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Gave one of my students the OK to do his final report on Markiplier. He has no idea his teacher is about to give him her feedback on it entirely in Markiplier quotes.

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When i catch people staring a my ass I say, "You like that? Poop comes out of there." They stop real quick.

When i catch people staring a my ass I say, "You like that? Poop comes out of there." They stop real quick.

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When all your friends have boyfriends and you're the awkward 7th wheel so you just date pizza.

When all your friends have boyfriends and you're the awkward 7th wheel so you just date pizza.

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Memorial Day Tip: This year, throw veggie burgers on the grill and next year, someone else will host the cookout.

Memorial Day Tip: This year, throw veggie burgers on the grill and next year, someone else will host the cookout.

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2 ways to success 1. Don't tell everyone everything.

2 ways to success 1. Don't tell everyone everything.

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Candle glitched.

Candle glitched.

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Tried a wetsuit today. Looked like a tellytubby at a funeral

Tried a wetsuit today. Looked like a tellytubby at a funeral

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When I have kids I'm keeping them out of orchestra in school. I don't want them exposed to all that sax and violins

When I have kids I'm keeping them out of orchestra in school. I don't want them exposed to all that sax and violins

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People who laugh so hard at their own jokes that they cant even finish the joke because theyre laughing so hard are my favorite kind of people.

People who laugh so hard at their own jokes that they cant even finish the joke because theyre laughing so hard are my favorite kind of people.

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I caught a 12 yr old egging my car. I yelled a fake chant and told him the devil is coming for him in 3 days. He turned white and ran away.

I caught a 12 yr old egging my car. I yelled a fake chant and told him the devil is coming for him in 3 days. He turned white and ran away.

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My first time at Starbucks I didn't know they asked for your name so I thought the guy was flirting with me...awkward

My first time at Starbucks I didn't know they asked for your name so I thought the guy was flirting with me...awkward

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You know if the apocalypse actually happened I'd probably spend the first 20 minutes trying to figure out why my WiFi stopped working

You know if the apocalypse actually happened I'd probably spend the first 20 minutes trying to figure out why my WiFi stopped working

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Me: I'm going to play this game for an hour and then go to bed. *Hours later* Me: Is that the sun?

Me: I'm going to play this game for an hour and then go to bed. *Hours later* Me: Is that the sun?

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A girl I lived with thought I was stealing her yogurt and I told her it wasn't me because I was allergic to dairy. Now I still can't eat dairy in front of her; the guilt is eating me alive.

A girl I lived with thought I was stealing her yogurt and I told her it wasn't me because I was allergic to dairy. Now I still can't eat dairy in front of her; the guilt is eating me alive.

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im a social vegan i avoid meet

im a social vegan i avoid meet

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