My 5 year old just defined teenagers as "a mid-sized human that is dumb" 😂😆😂 Smart kid
When you thought you clicked with someone But they don't respond the next day
Some kid called me gay and I said, "I'm straighter than the pole your mom dances on." Best come back ever.
I was looking at Google maps to find a vacation spot and found this.
I like waving at random people i don't know because their whole day they're trying to figure out who i am.
My nephews first word was "kitty" this is his kitty. He thinks toothless is a cat.
People on here be like: I'm 6'5. Is that tall? I like reading. Is that bad? I cheat on my wife. Can u tell me why people hate me?
My girlfriend told me to choose between her and Pokemon Go. I told her catching a CP 1423 Lapras is way better than sex. She dumped me right there.
Experts say this is the ugliest known color in the world. It is also the color of my eyes.
Roses are red. I have a phone. Nobody calls me. Forever alone.
They didn't cook my nuggets right...
This is my brother He's about to cook bacon
I just face planted in front of a southern man and earned a "oh lord, she done fell"More
Practice safe sex always tie your partner to the bed so they don't fall off.
At Starbucks, today I gave them my name which is Tony. They handed me my cup with the name ToeKnee on it. I am impressed by their dedication
To the teenager who flipped me off for honking at him: Your phone is on top of your car.
"Me after being out in the sun for longer than 3 seconds"
Me: "I have the sex appeal of a math book." Him: "I don't know man, I've never met anyone who opened up a math book and didn't say 'fuck me'." Me: "That was smooth as fuck."More
I don't think home pregnancy tests actually work. I'm a guy and I took one just for laughs. It showed up positive.
Went shopping got: Crayons Juice Passies Blanket Coloring book Checkout lady asked how old my child is..... ummm
I personally believe 7 billion people on this planet is too many. I say, remove all warning labels and let natural selection take its course
"Job interview: "why do you want to work here"? Because you're hiring!!?"
dear attractive people, how do you do thatMore
I know I'm not "hot", but why be hot when I can be ice cold 😎 It's cooler than being coolMore
Always remember that you're not worthless. After all, organs are extremely expensive on the black marketMore