People: "This party was great. You should've been here" Me: You didn't invite me. My life in a nutshell.
Me: Do you like bagels? Crush: Yeah why? Me: Cause you're bae goals…
To those who say cursing is due to a limited vocabulary. You're an audacious…
It's ok to be ugly because in the Aztec culture the beautiful ones were thrown into a volcano as a sacrifice to the gods
*thinks mean thing* *thinks a nice thing in case people can read minds*
When you have to remind yourself that murder is illegal.
I was innocent then I found the internet...😐
The worst sentence in history for an introvert "Tell me alittle about yourself"
Just ordered a pizza and the guy asked for my security card number. I said 666 There was a pause then I heard him whisper. "Guys Satan is trying to order a pizza, what do i do?"
Me: *3D prints a girlfriend* Hey baby 3D Girlfriend: *3D prints boyfriend* I have a boyfriend