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Funny Whispers

Funny confessions, thoughts and quotes found on Whisper


Funny Whispers

  • 333 Pins

"My thighs don't touch because they're fat; they touch because they're in love."

My thighs don't touch because they're fat; they touch because they're in love.

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"If Tetris has taught me anything it's that errors pile up and accomplishments disappear."

"When skinny people call themselves fat...Bitch, I will eat you!"

When skinny people call themselves fat... Bitch, I will eat you!

128690.api-04.com

"An atheist, a vegan and a crossfitter walk into a bar...I only know bc they told everyone inside within 1 minute of being in the damn place..."

An atheist, a vegan and a crossfitter walk into a bar...I only know bc they told everyone inside within 1 minute of being in the damn place...

128690.api-04.com

"The only shade of grey I need is goose."

The only shade of grey I need is goose.

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"I wish a bitch with fake eyebrows would argue with me.... I'd lick my thumb so quick!"

I wish a bitch with fake eyebrows would argue with me.... I'd lick my thumb so quick!

128690.api-04.com

My hobbies include getting drunk, watching Buffy and pretending the last ten years never happened. #honestDatingProfile

If I had a dollar for every time a guy asked me to be his girlfriend, I'd be like... like... like totally homeless

"Just saw a squirrel trying to carry a wine bottle up a tree.I think I found my spirit animal. "

Just saw a squirrel trying to carry a wine bottle up a tree. I think I found my spirit animal.

128690.api-04.com

Roses are red Violets are blue Vodka is cheaper Than dinner for two

Today is Friday the 13th, and 50 Shades of Grey comes out today, so that means some people are gonna get lucky and unlucky at the same time.

When someone says '10 years ago' I think the 90s, not 2005.

When someone says '10 years ago' I think the 90s, not 2005.

128690.api-04.com

"I just saved a lot of money on valentines day by switching to single...That's 21 years in a row now. "

I just saved a lot of money on valentines day by switching to single... That's 21 years in a row now.

whisper.sh

"Looked down at the end of the day and realized something was wrong"

Looked down at the end of the day and realized something was wrong

whisper.sh

"All my friends look like Victoria's Secret models and I look like a Victoria sponge cake"

"I'll never chase a man,But if he has tattoos and muscles a bitch might just power walk."

Drunk people, children and leggings always tell the truth

Drunk people, children and leggings always tell the truth

whisper.sh

My boyfriend told me to lose weight, so I dumped him. Quickest weight I ever dropped

I wonder how many calories I burn by jumping to conclusions and running from my problems

Do I know all the formulas for a math test? No Do I know every word to mean girls? Yes

Instead of "Single" as a marital status...I prefer "Independently Owned and Operated".

The last time I had sex I spent the entire time thinking about Candy Crush combos.

My life is like a romantic comedy, except there is no romance and it's just me laughing at my own jokes.

I've only been gluten-free for a week, but I'm already really annoying.

I want a friend with benefits... Dental, vision, vacation package..etc.