Pinterest • The world’s catalogue of ideas

Where the hell is Prince Charming? That douchebag is late. We're already in our…

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When I hear my voice on a recording it makes me want to throw up and apologize…

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I'm having an introvert party & no one is invited.

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This is just how my saucy selfies will look from now on

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Barber: what you want? I want people to know I'm offended by everything Barber…

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I'll never chase after people, mainly because I got asthma 😂

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*The planet explodes* *Removes one earphone* Me: what?

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The key to overthinking is looking out the windows during car rides and…

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Me as a lawyer: "BUT, your honor, I googled it twice."

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When you have an excessive amount of questionable pictures and someone asks to…

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I don't run, so if you ever see me running, you better run too because there's…

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You know you're getting old when your friends start having babies on purpose

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Life with a child: Everyone: Hey.... You look tired. Are you getting enough…

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I am a lazy perfectionist Basically I throw my laundry on the floor but in…

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"You look better when you're not wearing your glasses" You look better when I'm…

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My friends did it. They made the world a sandwich

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"Why did the chicken cross the road?" Gordon Ramsay: Because you didn't fucking…

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A stranger complimented my hair. I thought they complimented my hat, so I…

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Say : eye Spell: map Say: ness Laugh

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When a guy that smells good walks by... *Titanic music* Come back

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When a door closes, an incognito window opens.

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I went to get a pedicure & the nail artists were talking about how "ugly" my feet are in Vietnamese. I told them to have a nice day in Vietnamese. Their facial expressions were priceless.

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Him: send a pic Me: Him: a body pic Me: Works every time

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So here is the problem with looking way younger than your actual age.... I got invited to a birthday party by my new neighbors: their daughter is 12 and Im 28.... They thought I was 12.....

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Once upon a time I had a life. Then I got internet connection. The End

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