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Funny Whispers

Funny confessions, thoughts and quotes found on Whisper


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Funny Whispers

Funny Whispers

  • 557 Pins

My friend missed the drunk bus so she went to papa johns and asked to be delivered with her pizza

My friend missed the drunk bus so she went to papa johns and asked to be delivered with her pizza

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My grandma just said, "I wonder if they deliver emails on Sundays.."

My grandma just said, "I wonder if they deliver emails on Sundays.."

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You know Apple is run by men when they call it a 6+ but it's actually only 5.5 inches

You know Apple is run by men when they call it a 6+ but it's actually only 5.5 inches

whisper.sh

I kinda want to name my son Gotham just so that when he is crying in the middle of the night I can tell me husband "Gotham needs you"

I kinda want to name my son Gotham just so that when he is crying in the middle of the night I can tell me husband " Gotham needs you"

whisper.sh

I'm on a diet where you eat whatever you want and just constantly talk about needing to get in shape

I'm on a diet where you eat whatever you want and just constantly talk about needing to get in shape

whisper.sh

6 years ago when I was in 7th grade, I gave my teacher the wrong number to call my parents when I got in trouble. The dude on the other line actually went along with it.

6 years ago when I was in 7th grade, I gave my teacher the wrong number to call my parents when I got in trouble. The dude on the other line actually went along with it.

whisper.sh

*looking at graffiti on a bridge* Some people: That's vandalism Other people: That's art Me: How the hell did they get up there?

*looking at graffiti on a bridge* Some people:That's vandalism Other people:That's art Me: How the hell did they get up there?

whisper.sh

My little sister drew this

My little sister drew this

whisper.sh

There's a thin line between "I should post this on social media" and "I should tell this to my therapist"

There's a thin line between "I should post this on social media" and "I should tell this to my therapist"

whisper.sh

I share a bathroom with my little brother & I found this LOOOL

I share a bathroom with my little brother & I found this LOOOL

whisper.sh

"You know what's sweeter than the sound of a child's laughter? The sound of silence from not having any fucking kids."

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"Just a warning guys."

Just a warning guys.

whisper.sh

"My Doctor told me to start killing people. Well, he said I should reduce the stress in my life. Same thing."

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"THIS GUY BELIEVED IN ME WHEN NO ONE ELSE DID"

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"You know who else works from home? Barack Obama. -me, still in my pajamas"

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"Third base should be letting them hold your phone."

Third base should be letting them hold your phone.

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"Why is everyone bragging about how great it is to have kids? I slept till noon today, and the only person who threw up last night was me."

Why is everyone bragging about how great it is to have kids? I slept till noon today, and the only person who threw up last night was me.

whisper.sh

"If you live to be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to fuck with people... Like claim you ate a pine cone every single day."

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"When I die, I want the people I did group projects with to lower me into my grave so they can let me down one last time"

When I die, I want the people I did group projects with to lower me into my grave so they can let me down one last time

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"I'm honestly the best person you'll ever meet. I'm amazing. My future husband doesn't even deserve me. I already want a divorce"

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"Found one of those people you hear about in a math problem"

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"Women's shampoo: coconut; rose; tropical fruits; aloe vera Men's shampoo: ARCTIC ICE; DARKNESS; TESTOSTERONE w/PAIN"

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"My wife caught me cheating last night and i feel so ashamed and full of regret. She's never going to play monopoly with me again!"

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"*Watches Netflix happily* *Remembers responsibilities* *Watches Netflix stressfully*"

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"Somebody left a grocery list in this cart that said "wine and shit to eat with wine" so I'm pretty sure my soulmate is out there"

Somebody left a grocery list in this cart that said "wine and shit to eat with wine" so I'm pretty sure my soulmate is out there

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