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Funny confessions, thoughts and quotes found on Whisper
"Angelina Jolie is 39 and Brad Pitt is 51. So I ain't even stressing. Bae is prolly chilling in 4th grade playing freezer tag."
"Calling guys dogs is incredibly disrespectful. My dog knows the meaning of the word "no" "
"Dear 1D fans, I survived the N*Sync breakup, Backstreet Boys breakup, and Ginger Spice leaving the Spice Girls. You'll survive."
"Exercise can add years to your life. For example, I just ran 2 miles and I now feel like I'm 82."
"I just saved a bunch of money on child support by switching to condoms!!!!"
"I do yoga to relieve stress.Just kidding. I drink wine in yoga pants."
"Nothing made you happier than seeing this when walking into a classroom as a kid."
"Plot Twist: the extreme cold in America is actually just Disney's advertising campaign for Frozen 2!!!"
"I don't know where my prince charming is but I'm already prepared for our first fight because he is super late."
Who remembers passing notes like this? #tbt
"Elementary kids have iPhones. When I was in elementary, I put glue on my hands just so I could peel it off when it dried."
The only thing I throwback on a Thursday is a glass of wine.
"Today I saw a five year old wearing the same batman shirt as me and we both got equally excited about it."
"I like to believe that somewhere out there the British Lindsay Lohan has managed to live a more stable life."
"Here's to the kids who have never found their name on anything in a souvenir store."
Try having a name likeagde
Jk my name is maggie
"99% of my socks are single & you don't see them crying about it."
"If you're an astronaut and you don't end every relationship by saying "look, I just need space" then you're wasting everyone's time."
"My wife doesn't know but every time we have sex I put a dollar in an envelope and that's all I'm spending on her for Christmas so far she is getting a cup of coffee"
My husband got me about $1000 worth of clothes. ;) Guess he's a happy man. Lol
"Tall guys get short girls. Tall guys get tall girls. So what do short guys get? Cats mostly."
"All 90's babies can relate to the ugly and crazy clothes that their parents dressed them in."
"Dear Elsa; The cold bothers the rest of us. Sincerely -everyone but you"
Just bumped into mannequin & said "Sorry". Then said "Oh I thought you were a person". Then realized I was still speaking to a mannequin
i am so glad someone admitted to this .....now i feel quite normal :)
"I have puppies instead of children. I'd rather ruin my carpet than my life."
"When you see someone wearing camouflage, be sure to walk into them so they know it's working."
"My boyfriends American and I'm British. During sex, as I was orgasming, he suddenly laughed and said "the British are coming""